Gender Identity of the Child

The sexual identity of the child and his ideas about the family and sexual life are determined primarily by their relationship.

love of parents and the process of raising a child from an early age. What happens in the family creates an idea of ​​what is good and what is bad. Religion and beliefs of parents are of great importance. Sexual problems in the future and violation of the child's gender identity can arise if there was sexual abuse in childhood or if sex was treated very badly. Both of these types of situations later create problems with self-acceptance.

1. Feelings for the child

What is important is the time needed to get used to the idea that a child cannot create a family, that he is different from most of his peers, that he may have self-acceptance problems and acceptance by third parties. It also seems that the biggest challenge is faced by religious and practicing parents whose religion does not support homosexual relationships. According to most religions fornication and homosexuality is a sin. Therefore, there is no doubt that it is extremely difficult to accept a different sexual orientation in a child in such a situation.

In today's overly eroticized world, it is not easy to maintain sexual restraint, which puts homosexual believers in a situation of cognitive dissonance. Faced with a choice between happiness in love and satisfaction of the desire for intimacy with a loved one, they must give up their own beliefs and moral principles. According to the theory of Leon Festinger in 1957, strong tension arises in a situation of inconsistency of behavior with declared values. Man seeks to reduce it. In such a situation, it is easier for him to change his beliefs. In a family where homosexual relations are not accepted, a split may arise. A person rejected by relatives is more easily tempted to both abandon moral principles and seek support from relatives. Therefore, it is very important that parents understand that their child may experience great stress due to their own homosexuality. On the one hand, he is afraid of discrimination of the environment, on the other hand, he wants to be loved. When you do not have the support of your loved ones, family and friends, this situation is very difficult to bear. Often, young people of homosexual orientation develop neurotic and depressive disorders. These people then need not only the support of a psychologist, but, above all, help in finding the right specialist. The shame of social disapproval can be a barrier to overcoming treatment.

Some cases of disinterest in people of the opposite sex may be the result of upbringing and early childhood experiences. Often so worried perception of one's sexuality manages to overwork during psychotherapy. Although the theory of the influence of environmental factors on the development of homosexuality is questioned no less than the theory of the genetic determinant of sexual orientation, in some cases, disgust for persons of the opposite sex is justified. Therapy can help find hidden femininity in emotionally immature girls and prepare them for a relationship with a man (for example, childhood rape, paternal tyranny, etc.).

2. Acceptance of the child's sexual otherness

Find out as much as you can about him. Since the sources give contradictory information about the genesis of homosexuality, it is best to refer to the scientific research of supporters of both theories. First, focus on how you can help your child and yourself. Take time to accept the new situation. Don't run away from the problem. Do not consider homosexuality as a form of pathology and, if possible, do not get involved in all sorts of discussions and disputes. Instead of helping you accept him, he will transfer your anger from the child to people who support the opposite of you. Don't deny your feelings towards your child. Anger, anxiety, sadness, disgust and other unpleasant feelings are natural reactions. Come to terms with their temporary presence in your life. Talk to your child. Be honest with him if this situation is difficult for you. Express your feelings directly, without blaming the child for how you feel at the moment. Offer your support, ask how he feels.

You should definitely seek understanding and support from other people. Isolation from them leads to the belief that there is a social barrier between homo and hetero people. If your religion is incompatible with homosexuality, consider talking to a clergyman. List all the disadvantages of a child being homosexual. What does this mean for you? What is really difficult for you in this situation? List next to the feelings you have for each item. Try to come to terms with the idea that these feelings are within you. Consider whether your thoughts are actually correct, or whether the problem seems to be bigger than it really is. Often in difficult situations, we tend to exaggerate the problem. Also, consider whether your thoughts and fears are justified. Maybe you are afraid of things that will never actually happen in your life?

If you disagree with your daughter or son's lifestyle, tell them so, but let them decide their future. By forbidding your child to have contact with a homosexual partner, you are building a wall between yourself. By giving him a choice and assuring you of his love, despite the fact that it is difficult for you to accept the situation, you are at peace with yourself and with him. Consider visiting a psychologist. Such a meeting or series of meetings can help you re-evaluate some things and look at the problem from a different point of view. Sometimes it's worth discussing your problems with someone who, instead of giving advice, will objectively assess your situation. Take turns sexual orientation you have no influence on your child. For your relationship, yes.

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Article reviewed by an expert:

Magdalena Bonyuk, Massachusetts

Sexologist, psychologist, adolescent, adult and family therapist.