Light and Shadows of Taurus

So look, Bull, what you will become if you manage your destiny well, and who if you spoil it.Shine...

Like a donut with icing

The ruddy face of the little Taurus just begs to be kissed. Even the dry cavalryman-great-grandfather softens and experiences an irresistible desire to "let go, let go." The taboos of relatives melt away over this polite, sweet child who never makes noise and politely puts away toys.

The poisonous bull is as common in nature as the flying cows. He does not fuss, does not spit, and does not injure parents at every meal. He is a cute pet who will give a card, will clap in front of his grandmother and listen to his dad's sermons with a blush on his face.

You can take him to work or to a museum without the risk of him screaming or the Ermine Lady drawing a mustache. Hugged and praised, he grows into a happy teenager who, instead of smoking or drinking, crap.

pleasure lover

After that, it only gets better. A reasonable Taurus will set realistic goals for himself - a comfortable apartment, a stable job with a decent salary, a large family and Friday dinners in good restaurants. Let others get ulcers and neuroses - he just needs a little comfort and security.

He is such a consummate gourmet that a medium rare steak with a glass of good merlot will give him more endorphins and adrenaline than skydiving. He loves to entertain guests and the dishes he serves will make the Gessler family culinary envy. He loves to whip his case over the dish and glass in hand.

Master of Punctuality

Everyone loves Taurus and cannot praise him for being so loyal, punctual, careful, honest ... He meekly follows orders, never raises his voice and always comes to the office (punctually!) sniffed, ironed and in a tie. In addition, he is a born diplomat.

In her spare time, she does arts and crafts and works wonders for her friends. An esthete, which is not enough: even in a crazy student period, she cannot shut up an apartment with scratched walls and dirty curtains.

He will draw, wash, hang a picture on the wall ... He will make a cozy nest inexpensively. He is not only resourceful, but also economical, which makes him an unrivaled bargain hunter.

Faithful and thrifty

Ladies under this sign can dress head to toe in Prada and Armani… in rags. At the same time, they are incredibly feminine and sensual. They are ideal housewives, resourceful and thrifty, faithful wives and wonderful mothers. Mr. Bulls is the embodiment of the dream of potential relatives of her husband. They don't swear, they don't play with money, they kiss hands and always have polished shoes.

Putin is more likely to grow dreadlocks than Taurus will forget about the anniversary. He is not afraid to stroke or pick up a newborn, he will not confuse celery with leeks. The way to his heart is, of course, through his stomach.

No neckline will seduce Taurus as spectacularly as a duck breast in oranges. He takes his wedding vow deadly seriously and even if he marries a deadly man, he will heroically see a golden wedding.

Grandfathers like from a fairy tale

After retirement, Bulls of both sexes are happy to become full-fledged grandparents. They'll tie a scarf, take a riot, and shove a two-course meal down the throat of a picky eater.

And the shadows...

Pathological laziness

At first, Taurus parents are happy that they have a peaceful child. But months pass, and the baby looks around blankly, perking up only at the sight of her mother's breasts. A frightened family thinks they are disabled. Not at all. It's just pathological laziness, nothing to say except "come on."

He can only be dragged to the playground by force, and he flies to the local grocery store as if on wings. No wonder he turns into a fat man generating piles of silver after chocolates, a brat with no interest.

She quickly realizes that her peers screwed up, so she attacks the adults. He becomes a full-blooded sucker, a cretin and a scolder. A kiss on the forehead, a pat on the back grows into a spoiled egocentric.

Bored and paranoid

He won't miss his youthful rebellion because it doesn't pay off. After all, ideals cannot be eaten or transferred to a bank account. He'll get a job, but he'll live with his parents until he's XNUMX because he won't turn down his mom's tasty (and free!) dinners for nothing.

He will move out only when he changes his marital status, read: he finds a sucker / sucker ready to serve him. This will come quite late because Taurus is afraid of change. During the move, she despairs, rips off the boxes with the porters, and finally finds herself chained to the battery. It's hard to be more boring and paranoid.

He only goes to the films he has seen, and in art he is most interested in sticks. Afraid of strangers, does not greet anyone. On the other hand, it is enough to wave an ID in front of him, and he will trust us more than his mother. For ten years, he will drive his desk colleague away from his desk for ten years, and two seconds is enough to let in a fake gas generator.

Slamazar and Vaseline

He will keep his deadly boring, monotonous and stable work until his death. Decade after decade, he will (at a snail's pace) fill columns or drive screws, working off his time with Vaseline. Bulls, as they can, avoid risk and trouble.

Their biggest dreams are comfortable slippers, a big TV and a full fridge. They come in two states of aggregation - both fatty and bulimic. The first is at least funny: Taurus reads the menu aloud, his voice breaks with excitement, and over well-baked pork he gets an involuntary orgasm. In addition to food, he is only interested in sex.

kitchen tyrant

I advise you to avoid the erotic vampire Mrs. Taurus. Dressed in underwear from a sex shop, she ties her victims to the bed with fur handcuffs and tortures them into a pre-heart attack. A married man becomes a slurred housewife in curlers and a terrible housewife, only interested in ironing, fattening the children, confiscating her husband's salary and hunting down his alleged infidelities.

The Taurus man is even worse. In exchange for regular hand pecking, he expects his wife to be his kitchen sex slave. In his thirties, he gets fatter, and the fatter he is, the more he tends to worry about all sorts of rubbish. He does not recognize divorce, so the chances of being released from it are small.

Mess among trash

Among the diseases of old age, in addition to those associated with overeating, the Bull most often falls ill with ... gathering mania. The bull sits on an ever-expanding mountain of treasure/garbage, breeding new life forms in the refrigerator. He watches the series, ruefully biting his knuckles.

Veronica Kowalkowska