Miss, look at yourself in disbelief and... smile!

It is advisable that she already in the delivery room tell the nurse that she is wrapping her in the wrong diaper. Unfortunately, for the next few months, he can only lie patiently and endure the shameful incompetence of his guardians. 

What blissful relatives take for "sweet talk" is actually a tirade about the superiority of homemade purees over store-bought ones, gruel in jars filled with artificial dyes, or a five-minute delay in evening bathing. As soon as he gets on his feet and starts talking, this monstrous arrogant brat begins to educate his parents. Virgo weekly horoscope.

The location of the little Maidens causes awe among others. These old men will never stain your clothes, they arrange their toys in alphabetical order, they wash dishes with pleasure and are generally terrible. When no one is looking, they experiment on their siblings by giving them grandfather's psychotropics (they have a special notebook in which they write down the results of "tests") and constantly call the sanitary department asking them to look around the school cafeteria. They spend the entire period of adolescence cultivating their innate pedantry and cultivating numerous, more and more ridiculous obsessions. set of cutlery and plates. Some teenage virgins come up with the ingenious idea of ​​"internal disinfection", which results in alcoholism, as well as a dramatic improvement in social relations. 

A virgin is able to have a nice chat only after four clean barrels, without criticizing the interlocutor for dirty nails and not counting the calories in the herring lying in front of her.

If not for their sharp tongue and merciless mind, they would certainly have been torn to pieces by school friends for keeping notebooks beautifully and bowing to the headmistress. But no one will dare to jump over Virgo, because it is she who writes down the lessons for the entire class. After turning the school into an office, the same thing. Virgos are never late, they are incorruptible, tactful, efficient, like Vincenti Pstrovsky on boosters, and conformity is their middle name. That is why the authorities honor them like a golden calf. Virgos manage their hard-earned money with inhuman caution. They already know how much money they will spend at Christmas in February and they enjoy writing, comparing and paying bills on time. Virgo's birthday! Here is a special horoscope for the whole year.

In addition to work, which is the meaning of their life, Virgos feel quite insecure. Ascetics - live in a cell with three pieces of furniture and a million books and eat whole grain bread with garlic. They are extreme pessimists and believe in nothing. Religion is spoken of as "witchcraft", they do not trust a single word in the media and believe that clowning in a vision should be punished by public smoking at the stake. Some people are the souls of the party. Virgos are closer to the "liver" or other organ responsible for hangovers and heartburn. They may remember every birthday, but they will always remind you which one. Worse, they only buy practical gifts. They attribute their shortcomings to others and are masters of denial - shooting someone in the back "in self-defense" is their demonstration. They are helpless in love, scared for any reason. They fear they will be betrayed, taken advantage of, or worse, run into someone who won't get off the toilet seat.

They only fall in love for a reason, and meeting them is like a grueling job interview. 

They are convinced that romanticism is a kind of venereal disease. Virgo women will not marry someone who does not present an up-to-date bank statement, a complete blood test and a certificate from a psychologist. These militant feminists have been educating their husband for decades and writing down all his misdeeds in a special notebook, which will be very useful in divorce proceedings. The Virgo guy is doomed to eternal cavalry, unless someone proposes to him, arranges a wedding and takes him to church himself. Painfully passive, wearily loyal, he'll never kiss you in public "because it's so vulgar." He shows feelings by washing your car. Learn the rules of life with Virgo. 

Virgin children have a difficult life. It is enough that in the morning your pajamas are folded crookedly and mom will cry in the corners all day. Their parents don't kiss them (because it's unhygienic), they don't celebrate Christmas (because it's sentimental nonsense), and they make them wear pantyhose for the fifteenth time and grotesque hand-knitted sweaters (to save money). Only when doing homework they are very useful. For these reasons, the children of virgins usually grow up as disheveled outcasts or sybarites who follow the "virgins, wine and piano" pattern.

Seeing this, the aging Virgo falls into extreme disgust. A nuclear shelter is being built on the site and they are vaccinated against yellow fever, because a muddy stream flows nearby. They boycott family celebrations because "Uncle Emil is a moron and Grandma Zyuta doesn't wash." For the sake of entertainment, they film moralizing conversations with local gifts, grow orchids and receive several Nobel Prizes, and some virgins, deciding that the world is going to hell and there's nothing to be done, pack a toothbrush and three pairs of snow-white panties in a pack and live in (cross out the unnecessary ) car/cave/abandoned oil rig in the middle of the Atlantic. 

Veronica Kowalkowska