10 types of partners. Recidivist? Lifeguard girl? Or the prince and the frog? What type of partner are you?

In relational psychology, depending on the chosen model, we can identify, name and describe from a few to dozens of types of partners and the roles they take on in a relationship that affect them and determine how they will look. Learn about the 10 most common types of partners and find out who you and your companion are.

Getting to know them will allow you to determine your type and your partner's type (if you have one) and, if necessary, initiate the process of changing towards the desired type, because although this may not be easy, such a change is possible. - it only takes the right tools and time, the reward is worth the candle: a healthy, mature and loving relationship.

To keep the text consistent and legible, I will write about partners using the word partner, but it will apply to both men and women, because the description of the model is universal and applies to both sexes.

I. Partner (partner)

The first type is just a partner - a mature partner who does not enter into any other roles during the relationship. The characteristics of this type can be divided into two levels. What he does not do in a relationship and what he does:

1. What does he not do? She doesn't educate her partner by lecturing, giving golden advice, and caring too much about him. He is not a daughter, that is, he does not ask for consent, approval, consent and does not ask for love. He is not the boss - he does not give orders, and he does not view the relationship as an exchange of favors - financial, sexual, parental, etc. He is also not a teacher (someone superior in a relationship); student (inferior); he is also not a beer buddy (asexual); nor a nun (who cares about morality).
2. What does he do and who is he in a relationship? He is an equal partner, friend and lover rolled into one. He is kind, accepting, supportive and helpful. He tells the truth no matter what happens, but at the same time he is tactful. He does not interpret what he hears and does not read his partner's mind, but asks for an explanation. Explains, focuses on facts, and talks about specific things rather than generalities. He solves problems, not sweeps them under the rug. He doesn't judge his partner, he only talks about his behavior (instead of "you don't love me" he says "yesterday when you left the house you didn't say goodbye, I felt sad"). He talks about his needs and emotions. It does not mention the past, it focuses on the present and the future. We plan together with a partner. Avoids cynicism, sarcasm, revenge, gossip, attacks, humiliation and embarrassment.

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II. Chasing Partner

Demands certain sexual behavior from his partner, as if it were part of an unwritten contract, which he must perform unconditionally whenever asked to do so, and in a form that will be presented to him without the possibility of refusal, which - if it arises - will be criticized and manipulated in such a way that it will turn into a rejection and cause him, for example, guilt. In domestic relations, such a partner uses an urgent, directive conversation or forced seduction (organizes certain actions, for example, joint walks without the opinion of another person) and demands participation in it, while using reproaches at the slightest objection. Uses cynicism and sarcasm. A partner subjected to such treatment experiences a feeling of internal violence over his personality, values ​​and independence, he feels deprived of the fundamental rights of choice and decision, reduced to the role of a victim-subject.

III. Rejection of a partner

He uses tricks and refuses openly and without a twinge of conscience, regardless of the feelings of the other person. In his conversations, he conducts a “painfully honest” confrontation, laying all the cards on the table and not sparing harsh words. He says everything directly, often in this way shifting responsibility for his actions to a partner, while remaining with a clear conscience. In his opinion, he has the so-called "crystal character", that is, he sees himself as a walking perfection, the ideal of man.

IV. Recidivist partner

I mate with women (or men) or marry again and again and it doubles many times over. This is due to anxiety and a general reluctance to experience relationship crises. Therefore, most often such a partner explicitly refuses or imperceptibly breaks off relations at the third stage (read:), much less often at the sixth.

V. Partner - a colleague from the sexual sphere

His personal life mostly comes down to sex. This is its main interest, value and purpose in itself. His attention is focused on stories of sexual conquest, fantasies and desires. He is completely honest with his partner, detailing past experiences and relegating her to the role of sex buddy and often other stimulants.

VI. lifeguard girl

A person characterized by this type of partner will expect salvation from all his problems, seeing in him the only remedy for his unfortunate situation. And so, for example, she can look for a man who will provide her with a sense of security (for example, financial), fill her emptiness or feelings of loneliness. She can also seek acceptance from him, for example, of her illness, believing that she herself is not capable of this. He may also seek relief from his family, work, place of residence, his appearance, etc.

VII. caring nurse

She always knows and always feels what we want. He often knows it faster and better than we do. She is at every call, always ready and ready to help. He will give up all his duties just to satisfy, satisfy and justify the expectations of his partner, providing him with everything necessary to the detriment of his comfort and even health. He may even lose himself in order to fulfill the desires of his partner and family. She becomes overprotective and morbidly caring.

XIII. Partner in the clouds

He will constantly admire his beloved, as if he were the greatest movie star and the only person in the world. He exaggerates his dignity to the limit of the possible and absurd, treating him like a prince from a fairy tale, who needs to be pampered all the time, give gifts, attention and compliments. From third parties, she does not want to hear a single bad word about him, and when she hears them, she will completely ignore them, not believing them and automatically rejecting them. She ignores and represses uncomfortable facts that do not fit into her image of an ideal partner.

IX. Prince (princess) and frog

Such a person and his self-esteem and happiness are completely dependent on the prince, who with one kiss can turn him from a frog into a princess. She believes that only next to him will she be able to flourish and be a real, full-fledged and accomplished woman - before that, just a gray mouse. She is subject to his influence, dependent on attention and compliments. She feels constantly threatened by other women, knowing that if she loses him, she will become a worthless girl again, so she is jealous and aggressive towards other women (or men if the frog is a man). He has a constant feeling of being out of position and insecure, and tries to control the relationship at every turn.

X. Beast...and beautiful

In beauty, the beast seeks status, prestige, admiration, uniqueness and above average. A woman from an average house may be looking for a CEO with a fat wallet; a childless, stabilized man looking for a divorced or widow with a home and raised children; a modest girl from the countryside of a sociable and liberated man from the city. In short, this type of partner looks for value in the other person, which he can frame in a golden frame that will give him shine and usefulness.

emar